The Muppets Get Raw!!!

From time to time, if the show is special enough to warrant it, I am going to recap episodes of Monday Night Raw. This week's show gets the treatment because it's Halloween (Which means the Divas will have some kind of horrible match involving costumes), The Rock is returning to answer Cena's question from last week (On Raw, is a question REALLY a question if the fan's already know the answer?), and MOST importantly, The Muppets are guest hosting. Yea Muppets! (I have nothing negative to say about The Muppets...I love them). So....it's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights.....

I made it easy if anybody came to this site just looking for info on what The Muppets were up to, and really don't care for the wrasslin'. Just look for the Yeah Muppets! tag throughout the article to read about The Muppets adventures on Raw.

I have been looking forward to this episode of Raw since they announced it almost 2 months ago. I love the Muppets, so lets hope WWE doesn't disappoint me. I think my hopes for this show are a little high, but we'll see.

So the show starts with The Rock answering the question Cena asked him last week. Will he or won't he be Cena's partner. Ummm, The Rock tweeted months ago he was teaming with Cena at Survivor Series, so I think I know the answer to this. His answer took approximately 15 minutes to get out, and of course Rock wasn't there live, which always tends to diminish his performance a little, in my opinion.

Yeah Vince, I want to pay to see HIM main event Wrestlemania...

Alright, time for our first match of the night. CM Punk fights Mark Henry. Johnny Ace says if Punk wins he can fight Del Rio for the WWE title at Survivor Series. I bet Alberto or his ring announcer get involved in this match. What do you know.....Alberto Del Rio sends his toady in to attack Mark Henry which gets Punk DQed. Then Punk dives on Del Rio and Toady. That's right, I capped Toady. That's his official name around here now, since I can't be bothered to remember what his name actually is. So Del Rio runs away and Punk throws Toady into the ring so Henry can squash him.

WWE is advertising that in two weeks Raw gets rocked with the Rock's long awaited return to Raw. Long awaited? Wasn't he just on like 7 months ago? Actually, wasn't he on earlier tonight?

Yea Muppets! Kermit and Miss Piggy rise up from the hole Rey Mysterio usually pops out of. Piggy calls herself the original Diva when all of a sudden "Excuse Me!" Vicki Guererro and Jack Swagger come out. My bad by the way...The Muppets didn't rise out of Rey's hole (THERE'S an image for you!) they just rose up from behind a wall set up on the Raw stage. Swagger says he is gonna turn Kermit into frog legs and they better leave the stage before Swagger gets a hankerin' for a ham sandwich. Swagger literally ends the threat with "Wakka Wakka" which is kind of amusing. Kermit says they didn't mean to come out and upset Swagger and his mom. Damn Swagger, I know you have fallen from your main event world champion status, but you just got dissed by some felt! Piggy and Guerreo then start arguing and bumping chests shouting excuse me at each other. I am totally amazed Lawler can withhold throwing out a "Which one is the pig?" line. Then Santino comes out and says John Lennon Jackass (That's how he pronounced John Laurenitis) has set up a match between himself and Swagger. Swagger then reminds him he is a former world champ, and again, I want to point out that Swagger was just dissed by a frog with a man's hand up his ass....my how the mighty have fallen. Santino then announces that Dolph Ziggler will compete tonight as well against Zack Ryder. Kermit and Miss Piggy must be huge Ryder fans because they start saying "Woo Woo Woo...You Know It". Then for no apparent reason, Kelly Kelly comes out dressed like Zorro the Gay Blade and kisses Kermit which pisses off Miss Piggy. Oh wait, surprise surprise, there is a Diva costume Halloween battle royal coming up next so I guess Kelly Kelly had a reason to come out. Actually, since all the Diva matches suck now, I should have said Kelly Kelly had no GOOD reason to come out.

Zorro, the Gay Blade...No lie, Kelly Kelly was pretty much dressed in this outfit.

So the first (and I hope not only) appearance of The Muppets on the show was kind of entertaining. So far as guest hosts they are better then ZZ Top, but not as good as Bob Barker. Hopefully they won't end up being as bad as Al Sharpton, or make as many mistakes as Jeremy "Summer Bash" Piven.

So let's see Kelly Kelly is dressed like George Hamilton, the Bellas are dressed like Mario and Luigi, uhh...Eve is dressed like Robin, umm...Sneezy is dressed like Dog the Bounty Hunter, uhh... Blitzen is dressed like...DAMN IT...I give up! I can't name more then four of these Divas. One of them is dressed as Kitana from Mortal Kombat and trys waving her fans at another nondescript Diva. That was kind of funny. You know, the Diva dicision is are a shell of it's former self. What happened to the Trish's, Torrie's, Sable's, and Luna's of this division?  I mean at least they used to have Maryse who was a least French which made her different. And it's too bad that right when Kharma came in to shake up the division, she had to go and knocked up.

I'm gonna be someone's baby momma!

I assume when Kharma comes back, that Vince will have a Maury Povich type segment on Raw where we find out who the baby daddy is. My guess is it will come down to Vince himself, Akeem the African Dream, and Naked Mideon. Of course the big twist will be that it was some heel wrestler (I'm thinking Christian), who will deny it even though there is DNA proof. Then some face (I'm thinking Zack Ryder, the WWE writers will be looking to bury him in a horrible angle by then) will defend Kharma's honor. Eventually they fall in love, and he proposes to her. That of course leads to a horrible engagement storyline that ends with Christian crashing the wedding, and then Kharma turning on Zack and joining up with Christian....What? You know it has a at least a 50/50 chance of happening.

Yea Muppets! Professor Honeydew and Beaker are backstage making an enrgy drink for Santino to use in his match againt Swagger. Beaker then rushes out to deliver it to Santino, when he runs into the future Mr. Kharma Christian (Who now that I think about is, is the WWE wrestler who most resembles a Muppet)  Christian spills the drink and starts pushing Beaker around until the love child of Beaker and Chris Masters arrives. That's right, it's Sheamus to the rescue! Sheamus scares Christian away and stares at Beaker. They both start speaking some gibberish I don't catch and then Sheamus says to Beaker he is sorry he cant make the family reunion this year, but tell Aunt Theresa he says hello. Then he fixes Beakers hair to make sure it is standing up straight like his. This was actually a very funny segment, that is probably funnier if you watch it, then reading my bad description of it.

OK, next up Air Boom come out to some horrible generic music that just has someone saying boom over and over again. Thank god we go to commercial. And when we come back we get to witness my number one complaint about Raw right now. Smackdown. Raw is now the "Raw Supershow" where the stars of Raw AND Smackdown compete. Only problem is 90% of the time it's a Smackdown guy vs. a Smackdown guy. I'm all for Evan Bourne fighting Daniel Bryan or Wade Barret vs. John Morrison. That's at least something I can't see on Smackdown because it's Raw guys versus Smackdown guys. But if you are just going to have the Smackdown guys fight each other why bother? If I wanted to watch Smackdown....I would WATCH Smackdown! Anyway Air Boom is fighting Wade Barret and Cody Rhodes. The announcers mention Wade Barret has a Polish symbol on his trunks. Is Wade Polish now? Was he ALWAYS Polish? I'm confused. The only way I'm happy with Wade's new Polish heritage is if he starts doing the Polish Hammer as his finisher, and  he goes and finds Scott Putski and talks him into being his new tag team partner. Anyway Barret and Rhodes win and then the Fake Suntanned Canadian Christian comes out and helps beat up Air Boom. Then Beaker comes out all roid ragiging and helps the faces....wait my bad it was Beaker's relative Sheamus.

Hey fella' I am not Professor Honeydew's bitch!

Yea Muppets! Waldorf and Statler in the box seats of the arena. Waldorf keeps talking to Statler who keeps saying "WHAT?!?" ala "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Waldorf then says they have gone from Stone Cold to someone born in the stone age...that was bad. Is Cena writing the jokes for The Muppets now?

We go backstage where CM Punk asks John Laurenitis what's he have to do to get a title shot...ride a skateboard? I love the weekly skateboard comments John gets every week, they never fail to make me chuckle. Laurenitis says Punk will get his title shot when Del Rio agrees to it.

NO SHANE! I will NOT give you a job when I am the 3rd most powerful man in pro wrestling...

Now Raw is announcing a BIG returning star.....Oh man...Brodus Clay is coming back next week...I can't wait for the talentless white male version of Awesome Kong to make his return. I still say Vince hired him because he thought to himself "Wouldn't it be cool to have a white Viscera?" What are the odds that when Clay comes back he is wearing a giant garbage bag, or is topless wearing suspenders? Also,  I tend to be pretty good at predicting what wonderful things we will see on Raw in the future. For the last couple of weeks, someone has been missing from the show after being given a pretty big push after Wrestlemania. Then I saw the Brodus Clay promo and I figured it all out. Not only will Clay return next week, but so will another young star.

Yeah I'm booked to be squashed by Brodus Clay, but at least I'll be on the show.

I bet you Alex Riley wishes HE had thought of carrying a Flip camera around everywhere and posting videos on the internet. Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.

Next up is Del Rio vs. Big Show in a non-title match. Big Slow, I mean Show plods his way down to the ring. Show is rocking some weird beanie hat and what looks like a lumberjack's beard. Whatever, anything is better then the big diaper look he rocked when he fought Akebono. I find Big Show so boring lately. The guy is HUGE....he has to be good for something. I've got it! He makes a perfect home base for the other wrestlers when they are playing hide and go seek.

Peek-A-Boo...brother...

Show fought Del Rio for way to long. Big Show KOed Del Rio or something, I don't know I fell asleep and woke up when CM Punk's music started playing. He walks to the ring where Del Rio is still knocked out. He sits down next to Del Rio in that "class, please sit down on the floor indian style" way he does, and says he is gonna squeeze Del Rio with the anaconda vice till Del Rio agrees to giving him a shot at the Survivor Series. Guess what happens? That's right it will be Del Rio vs. Punk at Survivor Series.

Yea Muppets! Gonzo and Fozzy are in the back hallways when Vicki says excuse me! She is accompanied by Kurt Angle Jr. with a lisp and Dirk Diggle. They stretch gonzos arms and wrap them around his body to make some kind of point about no Muppets interfering in Swagger's match with Santino. It was slightly funny. At least I got to see Gonzo and Fozzy, two of my favorite Muppets.



Wrestlemania tickets go on sale this Saturday. WWE is promoting Cena vs The Rock as the most anticipated match of all time? Did they not see that Hulk Hogan vs Sting just took place at Bound For Glory?

Yea Muppets! Time for Santino vs Swagger.  Animal is the guest time keeper for the match and bangs the hell outta the bell. All American American Kurt Swagger runs out into the ring and does his run around the ring and pretend I am an airplane impression. Santino comes down with the Mr. Socko snake on his hand. (Words can not describe how much I HATE Santino's stupid cobra sock puppet!) Santino has talent, it's a  shame he dont get to use it. During the match Swagger does push ups on Santino, which was interesting.  Lawler then asks why Vicki is dressed like a witch? I am tired of the King always picking on Vicki Guerrero. Some big company should start a national anti-bullying campaign about so Lawler can learn how wrong it is to bully people! Beaker shows up and gives Santino the energy drink Professor Honeydew made earlier in the show. Santino spits it in Swagger's face (In front of the ref, mind you) and scores the pin.

OOPs! I guess Lawler didn't get the memo.

Woo-Woo -Woo vs Dirk Diggler is up next. Ryder gets a pin but Ziggler gets his foot on the rope. Vicki grabs Ryder's leg when he gets up and Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag. The Internet Champion grabs the ropes though, blocking the move, and Ziggler stumbles. One Rough Ryder later and its over. I actually really like Zack Ryder. WWE is always telling their wrestlers to go out and get themselves over. Ryder is over HUGE with the crowd, and he pretty much did it all by himself, without any help from the WWE creative team.

If you told me when he debuted that THIS guy would become a rising star, I would have laughed at you.

Hey remember when Nash attacked HHH last week and they wasted 40 minutes of the show by replaying it 20 times? Well after the break we get to see it again! After watching the attack we are told HHH will be out for at least 5 weeks. We are also told Jon Lennon Jackass has granted HHH his wish and resigned Nash. Next week Nash will appear. If he wrestles, I assume he will fight a jobber....or Alex Riley.

Cole then asks for our attention. He says JR is not showing up for his match against Cole because he has bowel problems. Vince McMahon has an unhealthy obsession with JR's ass. Cole then pulls out an adult diaper and says Ross should wear one of these. Then said will Ross be there to accept Cole's challenge next week....He replies....Depends...Wow, apparently Cena is writing the jokes for The Muppets AND Michael Cole. Yea Muppets! Waldorf and Staler say whats worse then listening to Micheal Cole? They then reply nothing! I guess they have never heard Booker T or Taz do commentary.

Yeah Muppets! We cut to backstage where Miss Piggy is rubbing John Morrison's abs. She asks him out to dinner (Ohhh...Melina is gonna be pissed!) John says he can't but he's got just the guy for her...HORNSWOGGLE! I'm glad the little guy made the show. He is a HUGE Muppets fan, and even went on twitter trying to get the fans to bug WWE about getting him on the show. Horny shows Miss Piggy the tattoo he has of The Muppets on his ankle. Miss Piggy says it's beautiful, and Horny can't control himself so he kisses Miss Piggy. I guess he is hoping to get a chance to PORK her (HA! See what I did there?) Miss Piggy sppurns his advances though and karate chops him. She leaves and Kermit enters. Horny gets up all excited holding his hearts and runs out of the room. In comes Cody Rhodes who brown bags Kermit. Again, it was a pretty funny segment, but watch it because my description probably doesn't do it justice.



Finally my favorite part of every episode of Raw....The Miz is HERE! Michael Cole has his usual Mizgasam as the Miz makes his way to the ring. He will be facing John Cena tonight, and The Truth (My OTHER favorite part of Raw each week) isn't with him. This is going to go one of two ways. The SMART way: Truth shows up and Cena gets his ass handed to him which builds to the Survivor Series match...Or the DUMB way: Truth shows up, and Cena beats both Truth AND Miz up, which kills any heat they might have for the Survivor Series match. The match starts and eventually they brawl around ringside when Ghostface from the Scream movies comes from the crowd and attacks Cena (PLEASE be former WCW champ David Arquette under the mask!). Of course, Ghostface is The Truth. And of course eventually Cena saves the day, beats up both Truth and Miz, and gets the pin to win the match. WHY WY WHY would you end Raw like this? If Cena can take out both guys, why does he need The Rock to tag with him. Unless Cena turns heel on The Rock at Survivor Series (Yeah THAT will happen) there is absolutely no reason to have Cena and The Rock team up at Survivor Series.

All in all, this Raw didn't live up to my expectations. The part with The Rock was like his previous taped appearances. The Muppets were funny in some segments, and not at all in others. And the end of the show was just about as dumb and predictable as it always is. Well, I guess I have Brodus Clay to look forward to next week....