Take this warning seriously....there is naughty language.
Check out my cool trip to Dallas. I was going out there on business last year. I had to take a bus, because every time I fly the trip has gotten worse and worse. I figure the next time I fly the plane is going down. Anyway I was supposed to leave from Atlantic City to Philly by bus at 9:30 pm Mon. Sept. 13th. Then Go from Philly to Ohio at 11:30 PM. Then leave Ohio for Dallas at 11:30 am Sept. 14. I was to arrive at Dallas on Wed. Sept. 15th at 11:30 am.
So I arrive at the Atlantic City bus station, I was told at the ticket counter to got gate 10 and catch the 9:30 bus to Philly. While at gate 10 a bus pulls up in gate 9 that says Philly on it. I really pay no attention to it because it's not at my gate, but my wife decides to go and ask the bus driver if it's the bus I am supposed to be on. It was. OK, so the bus company made a little mistake and sent me to the wrong gate. I get on the bus and head to Philly.
In Philly at 11 pm and I am supposed to leave at 11:30 pm. I ask the people at the ticket counter what gate to got for my next bus. There is an arrival and departure screen listing various busses, but none of them mentioned Ohio. The counter people tell me to got gate 14. So I got gate 14 and wait in line to get on the bus. The baggage handler says she needs all the bags going to Norfolk, Virginia first. Now, I'm not great at geography, and didn't think Virgina and Ohio were in the same direction. So I ask the baggage lady, when do the people going to Ohio get to put their bags on the bus. She looks at me like I am a Martian and says "Oh no baby, this is the bus to Virgina, you better run to gate 9 cause the bus you want is about to load up."
So I RUN to gate 9 and get in line. There is a bus outside the gate and about 10 people in line. The bus driver lets four people on the bus, and then tells the other 6 of us "Sorry folks bus is full, you'll have to catch the next one." So I'm like OK...when is the next one? He says 4 am. Ok that now puts me 4 and a half hours behind schedule. But whatever.
So I got the ticket counter thinking I need a new ticket and they tell me I can just use the ticket I have to get on the 4:45 bus. I say the 4:00 bus. They say no the 4:45 bus. See the next bus to Ohio is at 4:45 not 4. So now I am over 4 hours behind schedule. I ask the ticket people, well do I need a new ticket to get from Ohio to Dallas? They say you are going to Dallas? Well when you get to Ohio you talk to the ticket counter people there. (I now officially HATE these Greyhound Ticket Counter People.)
So I ask nicely if they can look up on their computer (pretty please), based on when I get to Ohio, how long until the next bus that can get me to Dallas is. They look and say I would have to wait for 6 hours, and then get on a bus that has 3 transfers. Ok so a 6 hour wait + 3 transfers that take at least 1 hour each + 4 hours I am already off schedule = I get to Dallas 13 hours later then I am supposed to, and that is IF everything goes smoothly from that point on. So I would arrive in Dallas at 12:30 am Thurs. Sept 16, and it will have taken me 72 hours to get there.
So let me tell you what goes on in a bus stop between midnight and 4 am. 2 other kids that were on their way to Ohio talked to me for awhile, and then they wanted to know if I wanted to take a walk with them to go smoke some weed. At like 3:00 am the bus station makes everyone get up (all 30 or so of us) and move to the other side of the station because they have to start cleaning. The other side of the station had 5 seats (luckily I got one) So everyone else who didn't get a seat just go outside and wanders for an hour. Oh, while sitting in my new seat, about 5 toothless, smelly, dirty, scary people ask me for change because they left their bag on the bus (Mind you all the buses are now gone till 4:45 am) I hold out until about 4 when I know I am going home soon. I give the first guy who asks after 4 am the 90 some odd cents I have in my pocket.
In what is the highlight of the evening a security guard goes outside to yell at a cab driver for standing on the bus station steps. The cab driver returns to the steps ten minutes later (Mind you the steps are right near the door I am sitting in front of.). The security guard goes out side and says
Security Guy: Muthafucka I done told you get off my muthafuckin' steps
Taxi Guy: Fuck you...piece of shit they ain't your steps
Security: Greyhound pays me to watch these muthafuckin steps....they is my steps bitch!
Taxi Guy: Shut the fuck up....your job to watch the steps?!?! Your job better be watchin your mouth.
Security: You know what...fuck you bro...you got a minute (He starts to undo his belt which has hand cuffs and pepper spray on it) before I take off this uniform and kick your ass!
Taxi Guy: Sure you will, and lose your $5.00 an hour job...you ain't doin' shit.....pussy.
Security: (Now in full on rage mode) MOTHA FUCKA...SO WHAT I MAKE $5 IT'S A JOB AND YOU AIN'T DISRESPECTIN ME OR MY JOB. GET OFF MY MUTHA FUCKIN STEPS!!!! WE GONNA GO! COME AROUND THE CORNER BITCH! COME AROUND THE CORNER, I'LL TAKE OFF THIS UNIFORM AND KILL YOU.
(The whole time this plays out, my brain keeps repeating.....At the top of our news tonight a New Jersey native was accidently shot and killed today by a taxi driver at a bus station in Philly. The taxi driver had meant to shoot a security guard who was screaming for him to get off his mutha fuckin steps)
Finally the taxi driver leaves, and the security guard comes back in. He glances my way (And scares the shit outta me, cause I think any man he saw at the second was probably some one disrespectin' him, his job, and his steps.) and asks if I have a bus ticket. (They do that periodically at night to make sure someone isn't a homeless man just chilling at the bus stop). I want to say "No braniac I just like to sit in a bus station at 3 in the morning with 2 suitcases reading books. Instead I say "Here you go sir" and show him my tickets.
At that point, I gave up. I thought the trip would be get on a bus, get on another bus, get on another bus, welcome to Dallas in 36 hours. I didn't know it was like roulette and every stop was a gamble as to if I would be able to get on the bus (That is, if I was directed to the right bus anyway). So I waited from Midnight till 5 am at the Philly bus station and caught a bus back to Atlantic City. My wife had work, and I didn't have a way home, so I caught a taxi to Harrah's Casino. I had to wait until 8 am to get a room, but finally I got some sleep.
